Trading Diamonds For Dying Flowers
by RelapseAndEscape
Summary: Will Schuester has a brother named Bill. He's touchy, but so is Mr Schue, right? Bill likes boys, so? So does Kurt. He's not going to be homophobic. Bill likes fat people too and he thinks Finn's fat…but that's alright—until he steps his boundaries. Trigger: rape, ED, abuse, suicidal thoughts, suicide. THREESHOT.
1. Chapter 1

_MaddeTheLover likes my Finn ED stories…so…yeah. I posted this up for her. Let's just say this was scrap work, and I just fixed it up a bit, lengthening it, and hopefully, this is okay. This also contains rape, abuse, and skips from point of view of some people. :)_

* * *

Title: Trading Diamonds For Dying Flowers

Rated: +13 – rape (no graphic description of), eating disorder, abuse, suicidal thoughts/tendencies, suicide

Summary: Will Schuester has a brother named Bill. He's touchy, but so is Mr Schue, right? Bill likes boys, so? So does Kurt. He's not going to be homophobic. Bill likes fat people too and he thinks Finn's fat…but that's alright—until he steps his boundaries. Trigger: rape, ED, abuse, suicidal thoughts, suicide.

Genre: Angst

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Bill's POV

Alright, so Will got this whole big Glee club party lined up when I was supposed to visit –

Kara just divorced me, 'cause in her words, 'I was a cheap, disgusting lowlife' because I kissed my boss once and figured I was pretty damn gay. I liked guys, but more specifically, I liked big guys. Those small ones did nothing for shit. I liked ones that had thighs that jiggled, or their ass was big so I can grab it or some shit. I liked ones with boobs, all fucking delicious and big and bulky. Will knew I was gay, but dammit, I wasn't gonna tell my little brother that I liked fat guys too, huh? What a quirk. I was a big guy myself, but I was a fitness training for like six years of my life before I got an office job and even then, I had two hours at the gym every five days, so I was – not to sound abnormally conceited like that bitch Kara – one of those buff guys that all the chicks lusted over. Will had a nice build, too. Kinda reminded me that we used to go together. He still ate like a college student, damn him, and seemed to pack on the freshman fifteen long after college was over. Heh.

So I was sitting down with my bro having lunch – so he left that bitch Terri, huh? Screw women was more like it – and then he mentioned he had a Glee club. I stared at him like he grew a vagina.

"It's really cool." He tried to tell me. Will's hands were elaborately being waved around in the air. I tried to bite my tongue so I wouldn't laugh my fucking ass off. "Really, Bill, these kids are talented and I treat them like my own. I'd love for you to meet them and for them to meet my big brother."

"Still on that music thing, Will?" I just shook my head. Dammit, Will didn't give up, did he? He was still running after some musical shit like he did when we were in high school. Will just sighed and went back to demolishing his bit of pizza. Dammit. Yeah. For someone who ate like Will, he should weigh over three hundred pounds but dammit, I wished he'd pack on some pounds, you know? …no, I wasn't a creepy incestuous bastard. I just liked stared. What if I wanted to admire how my baby bro looked like?

"So, you're gonna buy us some pop? We want some Fanta for the kids, and I ordered some pizza. These kids won Sectionals before and Regions even with first place but I really think that it's time to celebrate those successes – they deserve a lot more than just a couple of pizzas as well. I also got them a cake…too much?"

I shook my head and sighed. "Will, they your kids or something?"

He immediately turned red, and then started to fluster. "So…you're gonna be there at my wedding, right?" That was right, my little bro was getting married, and to a ginger no less! How fucking sexy was that? Always knew he didn't like that dumb blonde bitch. She used to give me shit for eating on the couch and flipping to watch games and her casserole made me puke ten ways from Tuesday. She didn't know how to cook for shit, and bitched on about how nobody loved her. Yeah, right.

"Course, you idiot!" I was slightly offended he even had to ask.

Will smiled brightly. "Awesome, Bill. So how's working behind a desk, lazing on your ass all day?" he smirked. He knew I hated it, which was why I wanted to punch his face in but I shook my head, sighing.

"Well, you idiot, for once, I still go to the gym and for second, that is shit. People actually do that for a living?" he laughed.

So that afternoon just before his little nerd part at 7, I went to the grocery store and picked up some pop anyway. Fanta and Pepsi. Some Coke too for those of which hated Pepsi. Got me a shite tonne of Gatorade. I got some more junk food 'cause Will told me too. Biscuits, cookies, cake, Twizzlers – actually, just plain sugar-filled candy…I was fantasising when I paid, and Will told me he had two or three kids that were gay. Okay. I was overstepping my boundaries but fuck, it was hot. I wanted some seventeen-eighteen year old underneath me. I was sexless and sex deprived and wanted something delicious. If they screamed, even better. Actually, the thought of any teenager screaming underneath me made my cock hard. Damn these filthy kinks, but I couldn't help but feel the slight pang of guilt. Yeah, sure, it was wrong and shite, but it was what aroused me – it was me…and Will always went on about being different.

When I came back home, the first thing I did was watch the ginger fiancée – Emma – ask me to put things. She was pretty awkward and she kept on fixing things, and Will told me she had OCD. Oh, great, another freak. Just stating the truth. Why can't she be okay and had to recheck shit over and over again? Actually, she was sorta annoying me and Will sighed. "It's a mental disease, Bill." He hated this part of me, but he didn't even know the half of it. If he sat in my head for one day, he'd probably punch me and report me to the authorities. Cute little brother.

So, the first thing I noticed was that the Gleeks (that was what Will called them) were not fashionably late. They came right on time. He had music blaring out and he introduced me one by one. There was this short one, like five-foot-two compared to my six-feet and she was swinging with confidence and shit. Didn't like her. Had big eyes and dark black hair, and was pretty pale. She introduced to me as a Jewish independent young lady, aspiring Broadway singer named Rachel Berry. Yeah. Whatever. Too girly for my liking. I smiled and then said. "So, what's your zodiac sign?"

She gave me full-on details and I listened. "I love stars," was the only thing I really heard from her pointless babbling about who she was supposed to be with.

"'Cause you're one?" I flashed a cheesy grin and she blushed.

"Mr Schue, your brother is charming." Will gave me a proud look. I met them one by one. A blonde chick named Quinn who was going to Yale, I applauded her for that and she apparently liked my company. Damn chicks wanted to hear compliments that was all. I met a kid in a wheelchair, a black-haired Goth-punk thing and her boyfriend, some guy that was just as tall and big as me but three times as badass (I liked him), some materialistic bitch that was named Candy or Marshmallow or something, an Irish guy, and then there was this nice, hefty African-American with black hair. Dammit, if she was a guy, I'd tap that. There was a Hispanic chick and her girlfriend. Didn't like me. Screw her. There was another guy that was blonde and pretty much muscular and toned. Didn't like him but apparently, he was with her. Kinda made me want to grab one of my own. I met this brunette that was gay. At that, I turned my head to see him. 5'10 but way too tiny. His boyfriend was pretty tiny too. Even shorter. And then my eyes fell finally met some kid that was talking to Will. Will was touching his shoulder like he was son and he was nodding to him.

Fuck it. He was delicious. Six-foot-three, much taller than me, but was obviously fatter. I wanted to tear off his shirt right then and there. Didn't even look eighteen. He was pretty awkward and cute. Will pulled me to him and then was all "Bill, this is the boy I've been talking to you about, my male lead, Finn Hudson?"

I touched his arm, kind of admiring it, and pulled myself a bit closer, staring at his eyes like he was a piece of meat and fuck it, he was. It was like my body was losing control and my jeans were getting tighter by the second. I just hoped nobody noticed because I was trying to hide it with this huge sweatshirt that reached to my hips. "So this is the guy that Schuester was mongos about."

He blushed. How fucking cute was that?

"I guess?" he didn't even know that Will talked about him like he was the one in love with him. Will grabbed his shoulder and then hugged him. He hugged him! Whoa. That was like…a teacher-student relationship right? I watched them all sing and dance for a bit. Will even danced with that Finn boy and it looked way more than a teacher-student relationship to me. Finn was all deliciously shaking that fucking ass of his, kinda trippy but who cared? And when he was gonna fall, Will practically swooped in to take him. Finn laughed. Apparently, those fuckers had something behind the scenes. So Finn had to have a kink for older guys, right? I can just lick his freaking face.

"Mr Schue, come on! Alcohol? We're all practically legal sans Blaine."

The hobbit-like kid was blushing his ass off. "No, not just Blaine," Will was giving that strict teacher look. It was one of those times where I wanted to be a teacher just so I can fuck one of his students, just like right now.

"Come on, Will. Loosen up. Give the kids some beer." I was suddenly forming a plan, and wondered if that Finn guy was a lightweight. I went to go get the stocked up alcohol. I got out some Bacardi, vodka and beer and wondered why the hell Will used to get this to waste? Now, I knew you might've known me kinda weird to have a tonne of GHB at hand, just for cases like this…I barely used any of it, but dammit, how can I just resist? Didn't want the kid to think I was creepy or anything – except that I totally was. So I just drugged up a cup for him and offered it to him as I pulled out the rest of the alcohol on display.

"Bill! The Bacardi and vodka though?" he obviously didn't want anything strong.

"Here, go you a beer," I said, and gave it to the Finn guy.

Finn was pretty much hesitant to drink it, and within fifteen minutes of ingestion, he said he felt really sick and sweaty. Obviously sign of GHB. Wouldn't be too damned unsure if he started to throw up so I turned around to look at Will and told him Finn was feeling sick so I was taking him upstairs. Will didn't really hear much but he nodded, as he tried to stop the guy with the Mohawk – Puck I think? – from having a shot contest and I pulled him upstairs. He threw up in the toilet, and couldn't really think afterwards.

So I just shut the door and pulled him into my arms. He was pretty out of it. Fuck. Yes. I can deal with this…

* * *

Finn's POV

I can't remember a lot from like last night, but when I woke up, I was in a bed. I remembered having the drink but nothing really much after. My clothes were on all wrong and I was seriously freaked. Mr Schue was suddenly sitting beside me as he looked at me and then smiled. "Feeling better, Finn? Bill said you were throwing up a lot last night" but I didn't remember throwing up much really. I just felt really, really sore, and felt like I had sex for some reason, which was really weird.

"I'm gonna go get a start-up on breakfast." He threw me some clothes that were really big and nice, so I hoped they'd be loose. I loved loose clothing. Like almost on instant, did the creepy Bill guy come around and sit down beside me, as he stared at my body.

"You're like Mr Schue's gay brother." I remembered that, as he nodded his head at me. Mr Schue told me an awful lot about him and from what I heard, they were pretty close but he didn't mean him around in Glee because he didn't think it was real important until he dropped by for a visit.

"Yeah. I'm gay." Now, he was looking at me like I was a strip of bacon. "And I like fat guys."

I blushed. I had like huge body issues and this guy wasn't making them any better. He was grabbing my thigh right now and brought himself really close to me. "And your thighs are like thunder thighs. I fucking love him." Was he really hitting on me? Or was he thinking he was complimenting me? Either way, it really made me feel bad. Like I shouldn't eat again type of bad that I felt like when Santana called me, but then he was like stroking my thigh, making me shudder.

He pulled himself a little close to me and then started to suck my neck. Now I knew this wasn't okay and I tried to push him off, but this dude had muscles, and was pretty empowering. He pulled me down and made me curse the days that I sorta skipped weight training 'cause I thought it wasn't doing much to me because I was fat, so it was just more muscle hiding underneath like a load of fat. This guy wasn't making me feel any better either. "Like…please, just don't."

"You were eager last night."

My head was fuzzy about last night, but I pulled him off and stared at him. He was starting to confuse me. "What…did we do last night?"

His hand went straight to my cock and he was stroking it. I was actually starting to get a rise out of it, making me think that it was possible. How drunk did I get? Oh my God. I slept with Mr Schue's brother and he saw me naked and now, he was all like 'I loved how fat you were'. My stomach was getting really knotted and I felt like throwing up a whole tonne. He pulled himself a bit closer to me and was kissing me. I didn't know why but I sorta submitted and kissed back. "Yeah." He breathed out. "You had it so bad for me."

I was blushing. Like…I wasn't gay though. I didn't get why him touching me made my body do stuff, like get hard. "Come on. Breakfast."

But for the first time in a very long time, I didn't want breakfast. I just wanted to crawl under my bed and stay there. I felt like him being around me was making my skin crawl, like he did something wrong by sleeping with me, or something. I didn't really remember a lot of it, so I just went along with what he said. I found it really weird that I got drunk off one beer though. I wasn't a lightweight and Puck was my best friend. I ate a tonne before too, so I wouldn't get drunk real easily. Now, thinking of food made me feel nauseated. I wondered why 'cause he liked it, so I should be okay with it even more, right? No, I wasn't.

Mr Schue made a lot of pancakes. And that Bill guy was staring at me and waiting for me to eat. Uh oh. Ew. That made me not want to eat any of it at all. He looked kinda angry that I wouldn't eat, but for some reason, that made me feel better, that I was against what he wanted me to do but at the same time, it creeped the hell out of me because he was looking at me like he was going to shove the food down my throat himself if I didn't. I drank the coffee Mr Schue made though and it was really bland. I would've put more sugar but this time, I went for sweetener. When Mr Schue noticed I didn't touch any of my food, he asked. "What's wrong, Finn?"

"Oh, my stomach really hurts from last night. I think I'm still sick."

Now that I thought about it, my stomach did hurt. So maybe I was just really sick. My Mom said that when I was sick, and she gave me pills, it was like I was drugged. That made total sense, but what didn't was the whole I slept with Mr Schue's brother…if I was sick, why would we have sex? Wait. I did throw up the food, so that made me more likely to get drunk, right? Maybe I had another beer after. I knew how Puck was with his alcohol contests and I was dumb enough to get into them all the time. I can vaguely remember Puck asking for a Bacardi contest. Wow. My tolerance went to shit around Bacardi. That made sense now. I guessed I drank more than I remembered…? It was really annoying me, like there was something missing that I had to find out for some reason.

I just looked down at the food like it was personally offending me. It felt really wrong to eat anything with him expending me to. Mr Schue was frowning.

"Sport, you should've said something yesterday. I think it was something in the punch 'cause Kurt said he felt pretty sick too and he was the only other one that tried the peach punch. Everyone else was having alcohol. I was a nightmare. I had to tear Blaine away from Rachel and Kurt was looking like he wanted to punch both of them." Mr Schue sighed and I felt my stomach flip. "I called Burt and he should pick you up in an hour or so. Okay, Finn? Just lie down today…"

I felt like I wanted to lie down right now, but I didn't know why. I felt like something was taken away from me…I just didn't know why I felt this way…

* * *

Burt's POV

Will called me up last night to tell me that Finn fell asleep and he didn't want to wake him up. Kurt didn't seem too bothered by it, so I knew not to worry, but when I picked him up, sure as Hell, the kid looked like he'd been through some serious Hell. Asked him if he had any breakfast and he told me he had so he didn't want any. Weird. The few times I did pick him up, he'd ask me to drive him and have breakfast with him anyway, but now, he was pretty out of it. He laid down and fell asleep in the car on a 11AM, which kinda made me worry about the kid. Didn't he sleep enough already?

Apparently, his stomach was growling. So he didn't eat, and he didn't want to eat. Kinda odd for Finn if you asked me, but the kid was sick, right? Can't just think he'd shovel down shit down his throat all the time like it didn't matter or anything. The thing was this was the start. It was dragging on for hours after I drove him back home, like something was actually annoying the shit out of him. He even skipped lunch and opted for sleeping (how much did the kid sleep right now?) and he didn't do anything but sleep really. This made me feel like there was something wrong, but then I remembered how Finn was like – Finn wasn't like Kurt, whom when he was sad, barricaded the door, listened to sad music, until someone came up to talk to him. This was Finn. If something was wrong, he'd tell us something was wrong…still…Carole was pretty freaked out when she figured her baby was sick. I saw how she handled him.

She got him soup but he didn't eat a lot of it, which made Carole worried 'cause Finn very rarely didn't want to eat food. I drove over town to get him some brownies he liked from a specific bakery, but he only had one of those and those things were pretty gosh damn tiny. He didn't eat anything else for the rest of the day, which made me kinda worry about the kid. He looked hungry, but he looked like he didn't want to eat a damn thing either, making me want to talk to this Will guy about it. Why would Finn suddenly act like he didn't want to even look at food, much less eat it?

I guessed it would get better. I meant, he was sick, right? A few days in, he actually had a fever, so I wouldn't be too worried about things happening at the party. Kurt assured me nothing did, and he took care of Finn pretty well. He got better up quick, but he still looked pretty damn pale for someone whom was recovering from being sick. This morning in fact, he was just drinking a cup of coffee and I raised my eyebrow. Finn didn't like damned coffee, but he was drinking it like it was his lifeline.

"Finnegan?"

He flinched when I used his full name and knew I was talking business. He sat down across me from the table. "Want me to make you some food then? I got like fresh bread from the bakery that Kurt's been lusting after like a sick puppy dog. Swear I can't make the kid eat anything if it wasn't bread. He thought it was the damn bane of his existence."

Finn didn't even try to smile. Poor kid was still pretty sick then. Kurt walked downstairs and was frantically staring at Finn.

"Hey, you feeling okay?" Kurt sat down beside him. "I told you not to eat everything in sight that night, now you're sick for a week? Is it food poisoning because you've been acting very weird around food now, Finn? But then again, you don't really have to throw up everything for you to not want to eat again. Nauseated?" Finn nodded his head. The big lug acted real vulnerable when he was sick. This was something Carole told me, and to be honest, it was sorta cute.

"Was just gonna put make some toasted turkey sandwiches. Boys?"

"Oh. Delicious and low-fat. I commend this."

Finn finally nodded his head. It was pretty easy working with a toaster, but dammit, it made the bread taste even better than it was. Finn was really slowly eating his food, like it was just going to disappear on him or something but at least he was eating something. In two days, Finn would be eating like he normally did. Saw him with a bowl of cereal in the morning and loads of Dots candy all around him. Yeah. He was getting better. I really thought it was something serious for a minute there, too, and Carole was pretty much relieved that her baby was eating again. Actually, I thought that Finn was eating more and more than he was used to. That was amazing, considering that Finn practically ate everything in sight normally.

He was eating from a bag of potato chips when Kurt called out. "Okay, I invited Mr Schue and his brother because I needed to know if this was an okay song to sing for the first ever performance I'd do within NYADA halls."

I sighed. That _kid_…

* * *

Finn's POV

Weird stuff had been happening lately. I've been eating a whole lot, but then again, it freaked me out that he'd find me even more attracted so…I kinda threw it back up. Or tried to. The first few times were a bitch. I tried to throw it up but nothing would come up so I just ate and ate, and when I got on the bathroom scale in Kurt's room, I thought I nearly cried because I gained like five pounds and I wasn't really thin to begin with. I was breaking the scale at like 210. Just thinking that Bill would find that sexy sent me into the bathroom to throw up. I got a bit of the food out but over the week, I've gotten better at it, at least to the point where my stomach was at least half-empty when I purged it out. It made me feel real sick to eat all of that food. I gained even more. Like 215. That just made me want to cry. I was eating potato chips when Kurt said that Bill was coming and then I thought I just choked. I can feel myself paling and blood rushing to my ears. I ate the rest of the chips and went to throw it out in my room and then I threw it up. It was pretty scratchy. I didn't want to go down.

That worked well for a bit. I played Call of Duty then Bill paid me a visit. "Hiya."

I didn't know why I was so freaked of him since I was the one that came out on him, but I was so damn freaked. He laid down beside me and then stared at my face. I wanted to cry really. He was really freaking me out and I didn't know what to do. "Will and the others are downstairs having dinner and thought that I should come up to check on you." He was standing up again and then shut the door. "Come on…I knew you've been thinking of me."

That was true. I was thinking of him. So he knew what I was thinking…wait. He was bringing his lips really close to me and he was kissing me. I can feel his erection pressing up against me and that made me really freaked. He pulled my hand own to his crotch and made me feel it. I felt really gross. "Did you gain weight, beautiful?" he was getting a rise out of it. Oh my God. I really wanted to throw up, but other than the chips, I threw up everything else I ate already. He pulled me towards the bedside, and he was tugging at my pants. I was really shocked and didn't do much. "You came onto me first…you don't want me now?" he was giving me that look that Kurt did and I just shook my head.

"No, it's just that…"

"Okay, then roll over and let me make you feel good, like I made you feel good last time, okay?"

My cock was really hard. I guessed that meant that he was right again because he was throwing my clothes off and he was touching me. The only thing that I felt right then was that I was really, really fat. He was leaving a trail of kisses down my back and I wanted to seriously cry. Then he buried his cock in my ass and it really hurt, but for some reason, I really wanted it too. I just didn't know what to do or say. He was pumping his cock in and out of me, thrusting and I really wanted him to cum. He was calling me a cute little piggy and I was blushing and felt like tearing off every piece of fat in my body. It hurt like Hell, but at the same time, I really just wanted release 'cause I was so hard. I just wanted him off me most of all. "Please stop," I tried to get him to but he didn't, and I wondered what that meant. I guessed he knew what I wanted anyway, because my cock was hard, wasn't it?

He came into me, and all I felt was pain. I just didn't know. It was warm and sticky and I was still hard, so he flipped me over and took my cock in his hand and was pumping me and stroking me until I did come. I felt really disgusted and bad…there was hot white liquid all around us and he just said that this time was so much better than the last time. I nodded my head. He kissed me and then pulled away. "…let's go tell Will about our amazing relationship. Come on."

I was freaking out. "R…relationship?"

"Finn, you thought I was just going to fuck and leave you? Tsk, tsk, we're together now, aren't we?"

"But I'm together with…" my eyes suddenly widened. I had sex with another guy and I had Rachel but she was really out of my mind when he walked in. Kinda like the world was erased out of my mind and I didn't want him to get any closer. Fuck, I was really stupid. "I…I have a girlfriend."

"…so you fucked me when you had a girlfriend?" he looked real shocked.

I was really shocked too. I guess that made me a whore, right? I felt really bad, so I thought to call Rachel on the spot and tell her we were breaking up. I knew it was bad of me, but I slept with another guy. I knew I was ready to marry her. I just didn't know what was happening to me, with the food, with the guy – he just made me forget everything the minute he walked in and when he talked, everything seemed to make sense…plus, I was drawing it out long enough. I guess I slept with this guy but then I got pretty sick (right? I didn't feel sick like I normally did…but I was pretty sick and I even had a little fever a few days ago), so I didn't get to break up with her before.

"Finn? Finn, you haven't been answering any of my calls!"

Yeah. That too. I was like busy eating and trying to throw up. I guessed I can throw up now, but not really everything. It was really hard and it made my throat hurt when I did. "…y-yeah…Rachel…I…" it was really hard to say. Usually, it was her fault we broke up, like the whole 'I cheated on you with Puck behind your back' thing, but right now, it was my fault. "I'm breaking up with you." It was harder to say than I thought.

"What?" her voice was a shrill. "Finnegan, I don't even understand why you think it's okay for us to break up after all we've been through and –"

"I slept…with someone else." I paused. I remembered Rachel and I's first time, even though she wanted to do it for a play before…and now I felt really sick, remembering it all.

"…oh."

"Rachel, please, listen to me though. I was really drunk and I didn't know what we were doing and just…I don't know. I guess I had sex with him again now, too, 'cause I came off to him that night and—"

"Him?" she repeated.

"Rachel, I just don't know, okay? But you really deserve a lot better and we were fighting a lot anyway and—"

"Who is he?" she was hissing at me. I felt really bad for not telling her but how can I tell her that I had sex with Mr Schue's brother? How can I ever look Mr Schue in the eye again? I was feeling really sick right now, but I didn't tell her. "Finn, I won't believe you. Really. You…you cheated on me with a guy. You slept with another guy like a…a whore, Finn. I just can't find any other way to put it."

"I know, Rache." It hurt more coming from her voice. "Can…can we talk about this later?"

"No, Finn. The minute you said that we were over, I was sceptical and thought we can get back together, but when you told me you cheated on me, that was the final straw. Bye, Finn. I refuse to be anyone else's second choice," and by the end of that, her voice was trembling and I thought of mentioning the time with Puck, or the time where she just went off on all rails and—

But I just can't bring myself too. I really did sleep with this guy and it was all my fault. I shut the phone and looked back at him. I just can't believe I slept with Mr Schue's brother, but he was pulling me into a kiss. "Let's tell them, baby." He purred.

My stomach dropped. I didn't want him to tell them about 'us'.

He sat down on the dinner table. I couldn't eat anything. Mr Schue was complimenting Mom's mac and cheese, which was really one of my favourites but even the smell didn't make me feel alright tonight. "Finn and I are together," Bill called out. "I helped him sort some things out, and Rachel was apparently not the choice for him due to their on-and-off relationship. We've been getting close the past few weeks and all…and I thought we should just let you know."

I was choking on the food that I didn't eat already.

Burt looked like he was ready to kill him. "_What_?"

"Finn." Kurt was shaking his head. This seemed insane.

"Would you rather have him and I behind your backs?" Bill suddenly questioned and Will was staring at him like he was totally off the rails.

"Bill, this is my _student_! You can't be together with my student!"

"Why not?" Bill suddenly said. "He's completely legal. Yeah, sure, there's like a fifteen year gap difference, but dammit, I don't care, Will. Love's love, right? And your gay student should know that, shouldn't he?"

Kurt was swallowing heavily now. Apparently, Bill was using his own words to twist in his mind or something and it was creeping me out but I guessed…that was because he cared about me? I really didn't know. I didn't even know I liked guys.

"Finn." Mom was calling out to me. "Honey, he's…very…old, don't you think? Are you sure about this?"

I nodded my head but really, I wasn't sure of it at all. Like something was really wrong right now. Burt wasn't talking to me though and neither was Kurt. Mr Schue was staring at me like I had done the worst thing in the world. I didn't know what else to do so I just looked down at my food and pretended there was something interesting in it or something…but it looked really bland and tasteless. I just wanted to throw up the water I drank so far. I felt really thirsty. I really just wanted to sleep forever too.

"Finn," Mr Schue was staring at me like I hurt him physically. I shut my eyes. I really just wanted it all to go away. "Finn, with my brother?"

I couldn't get that image out of my head when I went to sleep that night. I felt unhappy, like I had nothing, then I weighed in that morning and was happy when I saw 214.2 staring back at me, meaning I lost like a .8 of a pound, which was really good, right? Then I ate cereal and threw it up on my car on the way to school. I didn't know how else to think…I didn't have Glee today but I was getting really nervous…'cause I really hurt Mr Schue and I had Spanish anyway. Apparently, the minute I walked in, I was met with various slushies and colourful insults that made my stomach churn.

Everyone knew.

I wanted to scream. I didn't. I just had someone poke at me, call me a fatass and drive me. I ran towards the bathroom, drank some water just to throw it up. I felt weak, but like I couldn't stop. I felt like I was spiralling somewhere else. I just…I just didn't know what to think anymore…if I could think at all. I was pretty numb. I just…Oh my God. The New Directions hated me. Nobody was looking at me. I was a real disgrace this time. I did something really bad this time…and I can't undo it. Oh my God…

My life was really over.

…I just…


	2. Chapter 2

Finn's POV

I was running a cool towel over some bruises that formed. They hurt like Hell. I was just pressing the wetness against my flesh until it got better. I winced. I didn't know what else to feel other than pain at that very moment. The entire thing was a blur to me, like that night that Bill said we did it in, that I came onto him. I just didn't know what else to do. Coach Beiste was walking towards me, with those heavy eyes, and then clasped a hand on my shoulder. "Hudson! Get a move on!" I winced, and then her eyes dropped towards the towel secured by the bruises. The footballers weren't very happy with me.

"Alright. Let me see what we've got here, then? Ticked off some people, Hudson?" her voice immediately softened. Coach Beiste was an old softie went it came to stuff like this, and then I let her. She looked at the bruises for a minute and then asked.

"That all?" she wasn't very impressed with them, but I showed her the other set on the other arm. "Jesus. What did you do?"

"I guess I slept with Mr Schue's brother," I was flushing right now. I hated mentioning that. I hated that I had to tell her when everyone else knew. Rachel looked betrayed that I was boning his brother of all things, everyone was siding her and especially Kurt, that one stung a bit, but he said that it was too 'impromptu' and 'out of the blue' that he can't seem to support me dumping Rachel, someone I'd known for a long time, for that guy. The thing was I didn't mean to dump Rachel or sleep with the guy – I can't remember any of that night. I just remembered waking up with my clothes wrong, feeling sick to the stomach, but I guessed that was because I was sick then, right? And then this whole…food thing came with it. I just didn't know why though. I wanted to hide but I couldn't.

She didn't know how to respond to that, but I guessed she didn't think that much less of me 'cause she got me an ice pack for the bruising and told me to sit it out then. She then looked back at me. "Actually, go home. I'm afraid if they're done, they'll bash your head in." I couldn't tell if she wanted to bash mine herself, but I nodded slowly and made my way outside. I felt relatively uneasy as I stepped in my car, but then my phone rang. I looked down and saw that Bill was texting me. _Bill: come by tonight x Will's not home so we've got the house to ourselves. ;)_ I hated that wink-y face right now. How did this dude even get my number? Then I realised, well, he was Mr Schue's brother so he could've got it from his phone.

I wanted to decline him, but in all honest truth, I was petrified of what this guy can do so I said I'll be there at seven. I hoped that whatever he wanted us to do, we can do it fast and I can leave back home. I can just say it was a school night…wait. What if he said something really snide, like how everyone was hurting me and I didn't have to go back? My mind was jumbled. When he started speaking, I could just comply to what he wanted me to do. This guy freaked the Hell out of me.

I ate tonnes and tonnes when I got home because I was alone and I went to purge it out. Kurt wasn't even home. I guessed he was avoiding me because he didn't have any plans before now. Mom was at work and Burt was at the shop. I was just alone, lazing around. I even purged in my Mom's bathroom using her toothbrush, but I didn't want to think about that. I cleaned it up afterwards though…obviously. I didn't hate my Mom even though I wished she'd look at me. It was like her baby boy did something she never thought he would and now she can't cope with it. I knew she'd never say it to my face but she was really disappointed in me.

I was getting pretty okay with this purging thing. Like it took forever to purge out anything, but at least I can get most of it up. I can feel the food in my throat when I was throwing up so I knew what was left and what wasn't. After about two hours, I had to go to Bill's anyway. I hated the thought of having to see him again but it was a really long right to Mr Schue's and I kinda was afraid of being late. I threw on whatever clothes were on the ground, but this time, I stopped and looked at the mirror. I didn't want to look nice and bulky to him. I didn't feel it. I didn't look any thinner, but that was because I was a whale and I had to lose…like twenty or thirty pounds until it showed that I actually lost anything. When Kurt lost like a pound or two, it really showed on him, but I guessed that was bad because when he gained one or two, it showed too.

I poked my stomach and then sighed. I hated it. For some reason, I just hated it even more. I can stand in front of there forever but I honestly thought I was gonna cry if I had to look at my fatass for any longer. It was like I wanted to cage myself in a room and lock me up until I couldn't ever get out again. I did though. I walked outside and I drove over to Mr Schue's house. It was a long drive and it was to see someone I didn't want to see. I guessed the weird thing was all he wanted to do was have me sit beside him. He was touching me a lot though, cuddling with me. Then he called for pizza and I felt really sick because I didn't want any goddamned pizza. I didn't want anything. But for some reason, I still ate like half of it, with water, and I purged it all out when he fell asleep accidentally. It took a while, but at the end, it was all out. By the time it was out, I just drank more water, because I felt pretty thirsty. Bill was still asleep when I was out of the bathroom. I felt pretty dizzy so I sat down. I was also very hungry still. It was weird, throwing everything up and resisting not to eat everything back up again. Mr Schue came in though and he was staring at me for a few moments before he shut the door and then walked straight past me, or that was what he was planning to be cause he looked back.

"Finn?"

"Yeah, Mr Schue?" I didn't know what was in his voice, but he really sounded disappointed.

He shut his eyes and looked away. Apparently, whatever he was going to say wasn't particularly nice or anything and I wouldn't blame him if it wasn't. I made his life a living Hell right about now. Everyone would know that his favourite was sleeping with his brother, and that was making me feel pretty nauseated. Bill woke up about fifteen minutes later, but only because he wanted to cuddle some more and sleep beside me. I bit my lip. "I have to go…I have school tomorrow."

"Screw it! Nobody cares if you skip a day, okay? Sit beside me."

I was pretty sure my Mom would be pissed and Burt, but I laid down beside him anyway, and let myself drift off to sleep. My stomach was pretty empty, which made me feel better, especially around this freak that like grabbing on my fat and making me even more aware of it. I used to feel fat before, but now, I just felt fucking obese. I probably was. Like…Kurt would die before he weighed two hundred pounds, and I weighed more than that, right? I didn't know how but somehow, through the rattle of my brain, I did fall asleep. When I woke up, he was still clinging onto me. I said I had to go home. Mom or Burt would probably be waiting for me. I didn't want to text them and tell them where I was. He made me eat some waffles before I left, and I purged them outside in a bush and then went back home. I just can't believe how normal that was right now. Purging. Actually, it was the only thing that was okay to do right now.

I drove back home and like I was expecting it, Burt was waiting there for me. Mom can't skip her shift, but apparently, Burt could.

"Sit down, Finn."

I was getting pretty nervous but I nodded my head and sat down. Please ban me from seeing this guy or something. I just wanted to go upstairs and fall asleep to be honest. It felt like yesterday's sleep was a restless one. "Finnegan," he was biting his lower lip right now. "Where were you last night? Your Mom was shitlessly worried and we didn't even know where you were."

I didn't lie. I honestly didn't want to see that guy again. "With Bill."

He now seemed to consider his options, as he sighed. "Finn, listen, if you insist on being with this guy, the least you can do is call us when you're over there, okay? You skipped school today, and you didn't come home last night. What do you think we were supposed to do? If you didn't come home this morning, we would've called the police. Carole was horrified…you should've seen the state your Mom was in. I know that this…must be exciting or something for you, but you can't just plan stuff like this. The only reason I'm not screaming is because the minute Carole walks in, you're toast."

I nodded my head. Mom would kill me the minute she walked in here. "Yeah. I guess."

Then he raised an eyebrow. "Did you do anything yesterday with him?"

I knew what he was thinking about instantly. Sex. But I shook my head, and relief flooded through me. God, I hated it when he had sex with me. "No, I swear."

He took my word for it, but part of me thought he didn't believe me. That was confirmed later on that day when I suspiciously found a box of condoms on the bed. Yeah, right, like Bill would ever want to use condoms anyway. I stashed them in the drawer anyway and tried to fall asleep, but couldn't. I actually ended up doing some Chemistry homework to distract myself. The best part about skipping school today was that I skipped Glee too, but tomorrow, I had to go and I so didn't want to face anyone else right now.

As predicted, when my Mom came home, she had a screaming fit with me.

"Finnegan! What if you were kidnapped and I didn't even know?! And what were you doing in an apartment with an older guy unsupervised? Now, Finn, this man is making you do things you don't normally do and I don't like it! And don't even give me that look – I was worried sick all night because of that antic! What if…what if things happened to you, Finn? You don't know what kind of people are out there! And this Bill guy I don't even trust…I just…" she shook her head by the doorway. "Come downstairs for dinner."

I didn't want to, but I knew that if I didn't, she'd probably scream some more about isolating myself or something like that. So I did. I ate a good amount of dinner. It was really good. Tuna casserole, but Kurt was really silent and eating pretty slow. I finished my plate fast, so I can purge it fast and just fall asleep so that was what I did. I purged and fell asleep. That morning, I was 213.4…I had a lot of work to do with that number staring back at me. The next day, I was able to starve even. I didn't really eat breakfast, or lunch – like the Gleeks cared about that. Like anyone did. I was pretty much alone before Puck came to sit beside me. I stared back at him, looking pretty confused. I guessed he didn't do anything but why would he sit beside me? He gave some people a few nasty glares and then just muttered. "Hey, if it helps, I always knew you were gonna end up underneath some guy, Finessa."

Oh. Puck's pool cleaning business. He told me about that once and that he slept with a buncha older women, but I bet none of them were related to Mr Schue. He was eating and I was just sipping my water.

"You're acting like someone stole your candy. Brighten up a little. They'll loosen up with time." Puck was always right, but I just couldn't help but feel low, especially with yesterday. "So, why ditch yesterday?"

"Well, I got pummelled to Hell pretty much the day before."

"Ah." But I get that Puck wasn't convinced. He had that look on his face when he knew something was up, but didn't really know anything was up. I drank some more water. We didn't talk much 'cause he was eating – I actually ate a lot more than that normally, but for some reason, just staring at him eat that made me feel really good because I wasn't eating anything. It was nice to know that you had someone to fall back on though. Glee was a total mess. Everyone pretended like I wasn't there. It was a nightmare. I had to sit on the chair and watch them all dance and sing to our newest assignments and stuff. The school year was ending pretty quick now, but I just didn't know what was going on. It was getting close to Christmas after the Sectionals win. I didn't feel like it was Christmas though. Mr Schue acknowledged this though and kept on giving all the merriness. I lost my spirit I guess because everything just seemed to work in opposite direction. I was pretty much afraid of it coming up. It meant food. It meant food I had to eat. It meant I could stuff my face. I usually like gained ten pounds from Christmas, but not this year…was it really weird that I really wanted to get under two hundred pounds in the New Year? Maybe kinda obsessive, but right now, that was the only thing I could do. Mr Schue had Blaine as his new male lead – I can tell Kurt was a little pissed off at that, but like Kurt would talk to me right now.

After yesterday, the days seemed to go by pretty smoothly. I didn't do much. I got used to them beating me up. When Bill called, it was usually to cuddle. I got better at purging my ass off if I had to eat anything, like on Friday dinners. I can like purge up things in less than fifteen minutes now. The worst part was Christmas. I wasn't even in the mood. I was a totally Grinch. My Mom got me some gifts, but I probably deserved none of them. It was really awkward having dinner. I barely ate a thing, and nobody even noticed or told me to eat more. I was pretty sure it was because I was a fatass. I was losing weight though, or so the scale told me. The piece of shit always lied to me right about now. It can give me a hundred different readings when I stepped on it. I hated Christmas. I hated everything about it and I guessed that was really sad, because I used to love it. Kurt wouldn't talk to me at all through the month. I didn't know why. He was gay too, right? He was pretty much avoiding the whole situation and pretending like it didn't happen.

One night, I made the warm milk (two hundred disgusting calories but then again, I didn't eat anything that day so I guessed it was okay?) and I walked in the room. Kurt didn't look like he wanted to have a warm milk chat with me but he finally gave in and nodded his head. He looked pretty strict. He sipped his very carefully and then said "Yes, Finn?"

"…you've been avoiding me."

He didn't deny it. He nodded his head. "Well, when your stepbrother is having unprotected sex with your teacher's brother…" Kurt knew everything for some reason so I was pretty much blushing. "Finn, this was all out of the blue. Do you know how many times I have held Rachel whilst she cried? Do you know how weird it is for you to call her up and tell her that you just had sex with Mr Schue's brother twice under her nose and you want to break up? Not weird. Scratch that. It hurts, Finn. And I can't believe you'd do something like that. I want to stand by you a hundred percent, but I can't when you've hurt Rachel this way. She's in a very fragile state right now."

"Oh." I didn't even look at the milk. Two hundred calories were suddenly way too much than I needed as I nodded my head towards him. "I'm really sorry though. I didn't want to hurt her by staying with her any longer but…"

"Please, Finn. Just get out."

I did. I went downstairs and cleaned the glass and then I went back upstairs. The thing was when you restricted and didn't eat, the pounds dropped off real quick. I can like lose a pound a day. Christmas vacation was for twenty-five days. I didn't lose all twenty-five pounds though…because sometimes I binged and purged. That pretty much meant that I maintained my weight, but I lost like twenty pounds so far, and that was making me pretty happy for a bit. I didn't have any abs or anything but stepping on that scale and seeing that light number made me grin and happy and dance all at once. This morning, it was borderline 192.7 and then Bill called and said he wanted to see me before my vacation was over. It was technically over. I had school tomorrow. I checked up my BMI thing, so I can monitor it and it was like 24.1 taking in my weight today, which meant that I was finally in the healthy category. The thought made me smile, but as long as I can grab fistfuls of fat, I didn't feel very happy.

I went by to Bill's and he noticed it too, especially when we cuddled (he liked doing it a lot). He didn't like it. He was pretty tense when he touched me. "You lost weight." He said it like it was a disgusting thing and I looked back up at him before I nodded.

"Yeah."

He hit me. I didn't know why but I was just pulled back down by his fist, and I stared back in shock. He hit me in my face and we were…supposed to be together? I was pretty shocked by it to be honest. I didn't expect him to do that at all. Bill's face then softened and he leaned down to me. "Was just trying to show you – the skinnier you get, the more you're unable to defend yourself." I guess that made sense. Like when they hit Kurt, he bruised faster than I did.

I looked back up at him. I was pretty shocked though at that hit…was he allowed to do that? I knew it somewhere he wasn't but I guess he was just trying to make a point? He pulled me in his arms and then just held me again. I didn't know why but now, I just didn't plain like anyone touching me. It wasn't like he was doing things with me. He just wanted to cuddle for now. He did do things to me, but it was a long time ago. He might not do it again… he pressed his nose in my neck. I let him. I guessed maybe they'd find me defenceless now that I was losing weight? Or something like that. Either way, I wore the biggest clothes I can find in my closet, it made me look like I didn't lose a thing, so that was good. I still got picked on. I guessed the New Directions were ignoring me just a little less. Tina hung around a bit more, but Tina was really good with everyone.

By the time it was mid-January, I was pretty much deep in. I binged and purged a lot, but I also starved a lot. I learned that if I didn't eat for a while (like three or four days, I can lose a tonne of weight) but I always ended up binging. The only thing I was happy about was I knew how to purge, so it didn't stay in me for very long, and then I repeated the cycle. I can easily lose like five pounds a week with it, so I was pretty goddamn giddy about that. Two weeks and thirteen pounds in, I gained about three today. So it was only ten pounds. 182.1 today. BMI of 22.8. I was so close…and then Mr Schue brought up that he was going to propose to Ms Pillsbury. Bill was supposed to have left but he was staying and that made me real sick. Once when he thought I was asleep, he asked Will who the best man was gonna be and Will said he was considering me before but now, he was definitely leaning towards Blaine, even though he didn't even know Blaine for that long.

Another thing was that he was hitting me a lot more – Bill I mean – it was like with every pound I lost, he hit me even harder than the last time, but then he claimed it only felt harder to me because I was getting thinner and he didn't like it. Today was one of those days where he was staring at me like I was fairy-weight. So he fed me, but I purged it out. This time, he actually caught me purging, and this made him so pissed. He pushed me backwards from the toilet bowl and then stared down at me. "So you're becoming one of those chicks?"

I didn't know why he thought I was a chick, and then I figured it out. I was a dude, so I wasn't supposed to have these, right? But it confused me. I never knew a guy with eating issues. Sam had body issues but he ate like us normally. Sure, he hated it and he thought it did something to his abs or so, but he didn't really have issues with eating like I did. I didn't know what else to call it. I wasn't one of those chicks and that was for sure. I was pretty much too fat to even be there, but the thing was with Bill, it got worse. He got snide. With every pound I lost, he made comments about me finally fitting my size 00 jeans or something like that, and said if I enjoyed running my hands through my bones at night. The thing was I did. I liked feeling my bones, as they surfaced. I couldn't get into pants that size though because I was a dude, and those were made for really tiny girls, but it was nice to dream anyway.

The Glee club was slowly accepting me back into the circle, but Mr Schue didn't really talk to me about his wedding plans with Ms P, and when I called him out on it, he said that things with us just wasn't the same anymore. So I took it out the only way I could. I lost even more. My performance was getting really low and bad in sports because I wouldn't eat before and I got kicked out of football, meaning I had to eat even less because I had no exercise, which sucked. Puck tried cornering me a lot but I just slipped past him. I can't take any chances if it was about my weight. I started to skip Glee, and nobody noticed. The only time I really saw Mr Schue right now was when I'd come over 'cause Bill called me over or something. Otherwise, I wouldn't see him.

It was getting really, really bad.

He was leaving marks on me, on my stomach, bruises and it hurt. He once tried to put my arm over the stove and told me I wore shitless huge clothes to hide me anyway so it wouldn't matter. That one really freaked me out. Bill was really hurting me for no reason at all. But when I called him out on it, his only response was that I pretty much threw up all my food and didn't eat for days on, so why should it matter that I hurt him because I was just hurting myself? In some odd way, that made a lot of sense to me right then.

Oh, and they proposed on without me. The whole Glee club. When I found out, it hurt like Hell. Puck told me to come over, but Mr Schue didn't put me in his routine so I didn't want to ruin it. Ms P was so happy she didn't even ask where I was. I guess I was just going to be the outcast right now. If this was how Kurt felt, then it sucked. I felt like they can throw me away and it wouldn't really matter. Mom didn't really talk to me much anymore and neither Burt. When I was gone, and came back late, they knew it was because I was at Bill's, whom was starting to hate me more and more with each passing day, but I held onto him because at least, he was the only person that I could unload something too. He knew that I had major food issues and his cold comments about me trying to get pretty dolled up for graduations were sort of true. The best part was hitting just below 180 by the time it was February, 179.6 on the dot on February 8. I had a BMI of 22.4.

Then I felt like shit because apparently, the New Directions got it down with the Warblers and I get to see Kurt even less. At least he was getting a bit closer to me and now, he was just…I didn't' know. He was just always with Blaine because that jerk Sebastian threw a slushie in on his face and he had eye surgery, so I barely got to see him nowadays. The whole New Directions were too pissed at getting back at the Warblers. When I told this to Bill, he laughed and shoved me down the freaking stairs! I didn't know what was going on with him, but he didn't like me and he then asked me if that was more painful than a slushie with rock salt, which sounded ridiculous to him. I was kinda scared every time I lost weight and went back to him, because he'd find new ways to hurt me even more.

I knew everything going on Glee though, even though I never went there anymore. The most I got was having Puck sit in front of me in Geometry or Mercedes just being there in Chemistry, but I didn't talk to any of them. I knew what was going on – Sam and Mercedes' epic love battle, the whole Spanish thing with Mr Schue and Santana and then Karofsky tried to kill himself. By that time, I was pretty much afraid I was found out. I was still losing weight rapidly, and had got down to 162.8 by that day, with a BMI of 20.3. I didn't look very bad but for some reason, something inside me told me I had to lose more anyway. The whole Karofsky thing totally put a lot of people off me. Mom was barely home to monitor what I ate. Burt was busy making sure Kurt wasn't falling to pieces. I talked to him a bit, and I guessed he was the only one who thought I looked way thinner than I did before, and then told me to take care of myself, and not to do anything dumb. I joked and prodded and said that guys can't have that chick thing that girls did, but he gave me that pointed look that said "dude. They can" and that was just it. The Karofsky thing made Kurt really stressed and he started to skip a few meals. What killed was that Burt forced him to sit down and eat.

Nobody did that for me. Nobody was there for me. So I did the only thing I can do: I stopped eating. Completely. I can go on for about six days straight before I binged and then I purged. The thing was that when people saw you eat for a day of the week, they assumed you ate, especially when they find you with a whole fucking pizza and a malt the size of your ass, but they didn't know anything. Even with my B/P episode, I was a lot thinner. My pants were getting really loose, which was good. They were new and I bought them recently. My sweatshirts were always big because I was always freaked out that someone would point out I lost a load of weight and the good thing about it was that it was really puffy and full of air, so they can't even tell that I lost anything, but that was all I wore those days. I didn't want anyone to point me out. I didn't blend in the crowd, because I wasn't even _in_ the crowd anymore.

When the Karofsky thing was under control and he went off to another school, he was pretty happy I heard. They accepted him there even when they knew he was gay and his Dad was okay about it too. I thought that would mean that Kurt would be around the house but he was still out with Blaine a lot, especially since his brother came over. With the brother coming over, nobody noticed me, so yeah. I just lost a bit more I was eating a lot less, and binging and purging a lot more. The only thing I got up for was the fact that I was trying to see how long I can go without food. Up until then, I'd gone out nine days before I binged and purged, and then tried for ten. I was getting there. Slowly. I didn't know where _there_ was, but it was better than _here_.

I didn't weigh myself much anymore, but the fact that I had to trade in for new pants all the time was almost exhausting. The thing was we barely had family dinners what with Burt going off to DC a lot, and having dinner with Kurt and Mom was a rare instance and if I ate, I ate everything, and then I purged it back up, but I ate everything. I was slowly slipping somewhere though. With no Glee, no football, nothing to hold back on, I actually hoped I didn't live on past graduation. There was nothing for me. My life was pretty much over. The only thing I ever got up for was a lower number on the scale so when I gained, it was like my whole life was over and the only thing I can do was through myself off a cliff.

After that, there was a huge screaming fight in the house about Blaine cheating on Kurt, so Burt was around a lot for that. Meaning we a lot, so I purged much more. Now, I was getting so good at it I didn't need to do anything but bend down and throw it back up. I hit the 140's then and it was magical. Weighing 145 made me feel amazing then, but then I felt disgusting when I looked at the mirror. I can still grab things. I told myself I had a BMI of 18.1, which was even in the underweight region and I was starting to look really thin, but I just couldn't see it. I can still see things I can stand to lose. So I kept on going.

I snuck in to watch the NYADA auditions. Kurt did amazing in his. Rachel choked.

When that happened, I tried to go there to comfort her. I tried to sit there and talk to her but when she wanted to hug me, I didn't let her. If she hugged me, I'd be caught out. She'd know. Even I wasn't stupid enough to know that the fact that I can count the bones on my ribcage was pretty much a big deal to her so I just sat down beside her. She finally asked me. "Why did you sleep with him in the first place, Finn?"

I didn't know. So I just shrugged. "Rache, just calm down."

"My life is over, Finn! Do you know how that feels like?"

I snapped back at her. I didn't know what else to do. "Yes, I do. Because you still have Glee. I don't have Glee. I don't have football. I don't have any friends, Rachel and I'm sick and tired of people putting me down. I was really silent for months now, but you've all given me nothing but crap!" she shut up quickly afterwards and I made my own Finn Hudson Rachel Berry-inspired dramatic exit. I was about to leave when Mr Schue was standing there. I walked right past him, and didn't even look back. The next time Bill texted me, I couldn't there and face Mr Schue. I remembered having a rice cake after that and ended up eating like a whole box of Cheerios and purging them out.

139.5. 138.6. 137.5. 136.2. 134.5. 135.3. 133.2. 135.2. 133.4. 132.0. 131.9. 135.6. 132.4. 130.5, my BMI of 16.3. Ew. The digits were burning in my head depending on the binging and purging. Sometimes I gained, sometimes I didn't. Sometimes, it was okay, sometimes, it wasn't. Prom was coming up and I didn't go. I spent the night binging and purging in my room. Besides, who needed prom? I was near 120's anyway and that was good. After Prom, Nationals was coming up. They practiced until they bled. Mr Schue was trying to talk to me and reach out. I guessed I finally hit the spot then with that huge speech. I was denying Bill's texts all of the time. When they went off to Nationals, Burt was missing Kurt so he didn't notice me. Mom was barely ever home still, even if she was home a lot more often, so I was just left to do whenever I wanted.

They came home with a first place trophy. They loved them. I was just…there. So they won. Without me. Okay. That made me feel a shite tonne better than I did, okay?

Nationals meant two weeks in New York. Oh, and the number was 117.4. That was just it. I had my pretty little BMI at 14.7. Except it wasn't enough and it was freaking me out. They had booze and calories, and I just sat here, eating nothing. Burt and Mom were really proud of Kurt, and then they looked down at me and felt bad. Then Bill called again, and I didn't answer, and that was the final straw I guessed. He asked me where I was. I said home alone. Mom and Burt were taking Kurt and Blaine out to celebration their successes (really, wow, way to kick me down when I was this low) and then I heard the sound of his car…and I was just…frozen.


	3. Chapter 3

_i hope you guise actually read the summaries; hence the warnings i put up already. last chapter. _

* * *

Finn's POV

I answered the door. First mistake.

I was instantly met with a blow, and it threw me off. I was having a dizzy spell already and that made it so much worse. He shut the door behind me and locked it. I knew I was in for trouble now. He laid down beside me and threw off my shirt, now staring at me in complete and utter revolt. "You fucking anorexic!" he called out to me, as I tried to crawl away from his touch. Bill grabbed me by my wrists and pinned me down. "I'm going to fucking maim you for not answering my calls!"

I was really scared this time. I was actually scared for my life.

The rest of the time was like a chase. I tried to run away but when you haven't eaten in a while, it was like your whole body was slowing down and refused to function. I grabbed my cell phone and hid it in the pocket of my jeans, thanking God I actually had a decency to belt them. When Bill came inside of the kitchen, he suddenly laughed like a maniac.

Bill gave me one of those chocolate weight gain things Burt kept when Kurt was stressing about NYADA and barely ate so he just made sure he gave him all the nutrients he needed, and I just took it in my hands and drank it straight up at his request, but I didn't like it. He made me eat a whole cheesecake after that and I was pretty sick, even though I loved my Mom's cooking. This time, when I got sick, it wasn't intentional but because I didn't eat anything for such a long time, but I was secretly relieved I threw it up. Bill laid down beside me and was now staring at me like I was a disgrace. "So this is it, huh? You're gonna be some tabloid trash model now? What's exactly the purpose of looking like a skeleton in your head?"

There was no purpose, but it matched how small I felt right then. And I was still too big for that. He tried to touch me again so I crawled from underneath him and then got up to try and run again. I locked the doorway to Kurt's room and he was knocking on my door. "Finnegan, you fucking open this door right now!"

I pulled up my phone. I could call the police. Or Mom. Or Burt. Or even Kurt.

I called Mr Schue.

He answered me. "Finn?" his voice was really soft. "Why are you calling me?"

"Mr Schue, your brother's scaring me a whole lot right now."

"What? What's going on? What did Bill do?"

Almost instantly, did Bill scream out "YOU OPEN THIS DOOR, YOU SLUT" and that was Mr Schue's cue to start inhaling everything like a madman.

"Okay. I'll be there. I know your house and…just stay there, okay?" I nodded my head but I couldn't feel any relief coming from this. I just crawled up underneath Kurt's bed and found one of his shirts to wear. It was short and baggy on me, but at least it was better than being shirtless.

"You can't figure it out, can you?" he was laughing like a maniac now. "You're so fucking naïve. You remember the first time we did it? I drugged you. And the second time, I conned you into having sex with me. And I hit you; I hit you because I hate you like everyone else did and now, open this fucking door so I can finish you off!"

I thought I was going numb…my head was spinning…I can't think. I just can't think….

Will's POV

The moment I had heard Bill screaming those words out to Finn, I knew something was going on. I called the police for back-up, but I had gone in to confront him myself before they arrived. I was standing there between him and Finn and he was laughing like a crazed person.

"Oh, hiya, Will," he greeted me like nothing was wrong.

"Bill, what's going on?" of course, there was edge to my voice. Calling Finn a slut, and demanding him to open a door was definitely not something I appreciated. Finn was in a fragile state right now from what I heard over the phone. I was slightly still stunned he'd have called me, not anyone else, but me. "Bill, the police are on the way either way…what did you do to him?"

His eyes darkened. I've never quite seen my big brother like this, like a psychopath. "The thing is Will, in your little party, I drugged him and the thing is you never fucking noticed. You're so oblivious and it was real fun, getting him here, watching you and him fight, can't sing anymore and that's cute. I made him into my personal bitch, but the thing is Will, I like fat guys, big guys…and he started to lose weight, so I fucking hated it and I hated him. You know I hit him and you did nothing? You did nothing, Will."

He was staring at me like insanely but I could still feel guilt pooling in my stomach. I did do nothing at all. I can see Finn distantly drifting. I can hardly remember the last time I'd caught him eating – I can hardly remember the last time I saw him despite catching him in a screaming fit with Rachel. When he said that, it broke my heart. He really had nothing, didn't he? No Glee, no football, no friends – he was the outcast I was trying to protect and I failed to do that. He tried to throw a punch at me, but I ducked, so it went by swiftly.

"Why is it that Mom always liked you more?"

So this was this was all about?

I turned around and stared at him. "She liked you more even though you were like…total music pants from day one and this fucking Glee club…I did your kid a favour…oh, is he really your favourite, Will?" and then I ducked another punch from him. By that time, he was pushing me to the wall. He was ready to throw a big one at me, when the police finally infiltrated the scene. They got most of it down but my first priority was Finn. I knocked on the door. "Finn? It's me."

"Bill there?"

"No. Not really."

I watched him open the door and I was suddenly staring at him – really him – pale, sunken cheeks, big hurt brown eyes, and most of all, he was very thin…too thin. I recognised that shirt as Kurt's and it was literally hanging off his frame right now. "Finn," my heart was going out to him. He looked like a stick and I couldn't even pinpoint where all of this weight went off and how.

"Mr Schue, I'm really dizzy."

I nodded and realised he was actually on the verge of collapsing so I caught him. I just realised right then that I can actually feel Finn's bones just underneath my fingers and it was making me sick. He wasn't shaking out of fear. He was probably shaking out of hunger. The police wanted to talk to him but seeing the state he was in, they called an ambulance for him. Until then, I let him sit down and then walked downstairs, getting him anything to drink. I didn't know what he liked, so I just got him a normal Pepsi, knowing he used to drink those all the time. I gave him the can and he was drinking it slowly with so much hesitation, that it was starting to worry me. Had Finn really been disappearing right before our eyes?

I knew it would be wrong to ask him how much he weighed but it was irking me. "Finn…how…how much do you weigh right now?"

He looked up at me and then shrugged but answered all the same. "One…seventeen point four."

"Finn!" I called out. He almost dropped the can in his hands, because he obviously didn't want to be screamed at right now. I bit down my lower lip, but he can't weigh that little. I knew Finn was six-foot-three and everyone else did too. I felt like I lost him, and let him slip down right between my fingers. I pulled him out from Glee. I made him feel horrible about being used by my big brother and I never once thought that he could've done that. I saw him look away right now.

"Mr Schue, I really don't want to drink this."

"Finn, you have to…" I tried to muster up all the courage I had in my voice. "You could faint on me…and besides…you can use a lot of meat on those bones…" I tried to sound a little light.

Finn suddenly looked down and then I realised he really was trying to find what I was talking about. "Mr Schue, I think you need glasses 'cause I've got enough meat on my bones." He was giving me a pointed look. This alerted me a great deal, because Finn definitely looked like he barely weighed anything, like I could pick him up and snap him in two pieces if I tried. In that position, the shirt was a little up exposing his hipbones, which were pretty sharp in my opinion.

I can barely supress the shock in seeing Finn like this, so small, so vulnerable…so thin. Enough to alert Emma as well. The ambulance arrived anyway and I beckoned him to go. He finally gave in and went, leaving the half-drunken Pepsi can behind. I called Emma soon afterwards, and the only statement I said was "Finn's in the hospital."

"Oh my," her voice was so endearing. "…what…what happened, Will?"

"Bill tried to hurt him. I…I need you to be there with me and then I'll call Burt and Carole when I'm sure he's okay, alright?"

"Okay." Her voice was very low. She can detect the seriousness in mine then. I had always prided that Finn reminded me so much of me, but now, I was disgusted by my treatment of him, how far I've pushed him away and let him sink in. I met Emma at the hospital and we went up to his room. The fact that he had bruises and burns left me horrified – exactly what had Bill done to him? – Finn explained each one, how he got it, and then tried to defend him in explanations that made bile rise in my throat.

He abused Finn, sexually, physically and emotionally. I was staring down at him right now, trying to cope with what I've just heard. At Finn's current position, I can peer into his dominant collarbones that left nothing but hollow skin. He sung like a canary, and each word was painful to hear. About the things he'd told him, how he twisted the way he thought, how with every pound he'd lost he'd tell him he was weaker, more fragile, and he needed to eat to be protected, and then it spiralled back towards his eating habits.

"I just wanted to look as small as I felt…kinda like I wanted to blend in the invisible everyone set up for me or something."

Those words sent a pang of pain in my stomach, but he continued. "At first, I thought it was 'cause he liked my weight, and he liked grabbing onto something so when I lost the weight, he didn't have anything to hold…but my bones, but it was more than that. Everyone hated me. Everyone didn't want to be around me and I was really alone. It was the only thing in life that I could control and be happy for…it was kinda the only reason I woke up or bothered to do anything. I went to school 'cause walking around burned calories, otherwise, I just…I faded in the background and I didn't know what to do, so I just stopped eating and hoped that everything else would fade too. I binged sometimes. A lot of times, but I always threw it back up so I can still fade and…just…I really wanted to die, okay?"

That ending sentence made my heart hurt, as I sat down beside him. "Finn, don't ever, ever feel like you have to die to make people happy, okay?"

He nodded his head, his eyes thick with tears and I felt the need to hold him again. "Come on." I tried to urge for him to come closer to me, and he did. The thing was I just hated holding him, because all I can feel was how tiny he'd gotten. This boy before me was nothing like the Finn I knew before, but a shadow of what was once him, something to hold on and remember by, but nothing that was just Finn. There was no goofy smile, no lit up face, no happiness – he looked exhausted, and that was for that reason alone that I left him to fall asleep.

With that, I called Carole, biting my lower lip. "Hello? Carole?"

"Will?" she called out, trying to guess the voice.

"That's right. I'm in the General Hospital, and Finn's here. It's not a pretty sight. He's sleeping now but since he'd probably be spending the night, I thought of you getting him some clothes since it will probably be an overnight visit until they run some tests with the police are here." I hated to think that the police was still clattered around, making sure that Finn remained unharmed.

"Police?" her voice was aghast. "Finn's hurt? What happened?"

"Just come around, Carole. It's too much to explain over the phone."

And with that thought off, I was sure she was speeding off. I felt tired, and drained. Emma was staring at him from where she stood and she was biting her lip, as she looked up at me and then stated. "Could we have done something, Will?" she wandered, eyes set on the boy that used to be so confident, so happy, and that was all stripped away from him like he wasn't worth any of it at all.

"We could've done a lot of things." I could've spotted him out, made sure he was fine…he was in my own house for many times a week to be around Bill. I should've noticed that he was too touchy, too clingy, too obsessive—I should've noticed that Finn completely isolated himself from the crowd, that he was losing something if not the mounds of weight he had lost without anyone noticing. It was like nobody noticed what was going on until it was too late, and when it was too late, he barely weighed anything…I hated having to be the only one there to see his blood tests whilst Carole was speeding off, probably having called Burt and Kurt. I hated having to see how low his levels of anything was, and how the digits were all so real, how he might need more than just a blood transfusion for anaemia and loads of nutrients through an IV. They were considering a feeding tube but I was opposed to this. Finn was stronger than this. He can combat this…couldn't he?

As my thoughts spiralled, I noticed Finn hadn't said a word through and through. He laid there soundlessly, and then I looked down at him. "Do…do you want a sandwich, Finn? There's a Subway just five steps near us and Emma and I won't mind getting you something."

Finn was staring at me like I was crazy. I grabbed his shoulders as softly as I could. "They're thinking of giving you a feeding tube," my voice was soft, but I hoped the alert would somehow make it to Finn's mind. It was serious and that was what he was understanding, as he shook his head again, not caring at all. He pushed me away. I was seriously seeing the determination in his eyes, almost as if he couldn't be sure about anything else in his life. He wanted…to die. He just wanted to die.

That was what was running through my head. I felt guilt and hopelessness. When Carole came around, her hand had a duffel bag, obviously filled with clothing and Burt and Kurt were behind her. Instead of going into the room, I gestured for them to sit down. They sat down on opposite of me and I bit down my lower lip. I hated saying those words but they were the truth. "Bill…has been using Finn."

"Oh my God." Carole suddenly heaved out, and I kept on going.

"He took advantage of Finn, sexually…" now, Carole's eyes were filled with tears and Kurt's was plastered with horror. Burt was silent and staring at me in complete disbelief as I went on. "He was also physically abusing him and manipulating him. The fact that Bill liked Finn's weight and…he has a small kink or so for bulkier, bigger people…but Finn stopped eating a long time ago, and that's when he started to hit him. I think…well, the Doctors did tell me he had a bad case of an eating disorder but…"

"An eating disorder," Kurt repeated.

I slowly nodded my head as Kurt's eyes filled with tears. "You're telling me, that...Finn's been abused and-and-and raped by this guy…to the point where he just broke down and started to develop an eating disorder?" those words were truer than I can take, and when I nodded my head, that was when Carole had finally let tears spill down her cheeks. Kurt didn't look like he can cry, still processing everything. I can't blame him because I still was. I then stepped inside of the room where Finn had fallen into a deep slumber, just like that. His body was hutched to the side, Kurt's shirt lifting a bit, so that I can see his hipbones even better now, his stomach was a concave, and even breathing in and out did nothing to make it look okay. It just wasn't.

"Is…that…mine?" Kurt was staring at the shirt was that loose on him, but not loose enough to swallow him up, but Kurt was still shaking his head and bringing himself closer to Finn. "Finnegan, I just…can't…" he was staring at his body, and then bit down his lower lip. That wasn't just a week's worth of hurt, that was months and months of concealing and lying in agony whilst I did nothing. I did nothing to help Finn and I was there the most.

Kurt turned to look at me. "Is this how he looked like? Without me noticing a _thing_?"

"Kurt," Emma tried to be supportive, running his hand through his hair but he didn't even seem to care.

"I just styled that," Kurt's voice was devoid of care for his hair as he turned to stare back at Finn, eyes looking up and down from his shoulders to his legs. "It doesn't even look like _Finn_ anymore…it almost looks like someone just sucked everything out of him and gave us the remains…it barely looks like anything like Finn. It's like…like with every time I hurt him, he just lost a little bit more or…" his words were hitting me hard as well. I was looking down at Finn. It just hurt to stare at him. There was no word to describe it. He wasn't thin. He was _emaciated_. He was _gone_. He was _wasted_. He _disappeared_ in front of our eyes and we didn't do anything. If he turned sideways, I was pretty sure nothing would exist.

"I'm like…right here you know," Finn groggily sat up and that was when Carole ran to hug him, hugging him as tightly as possible.

"Mom, you're breaking me."

She suddenly pulled herself away, staring back up at him. "That's because you're skin and bones, Finn." She said it with tears in her eyes and in such an endearing matter I almost started to cry as well.

"Huh?" he looked down at himself and then shrugged. "Oh." He looked like he barely saw what we did and what we saw wasn't nice and pretty.

"Finn." Kurt was calling out again. "We know."

Finn's skin suddenly drained down a thousand shades paler. I thought he knew I'd tell them, but now, he was biting down his lower lip. "Then don't talk about it." It was a hiss, and it was definitely threatening. He wanted to pretend it didn't happen. "Just…don't, okay?"

"Kid, it ain't okay to keep things bottled up, you know?" Burt tried to assort him otherwise but Finn didn't look like he wanted to hear Burt's point of view of things. He looked like he just wanted to fall asleep and never wake up again, and I hoped that wasn't what he might be led to right about now.

"I just don't want to talk about it!" Finn was actually acting very gruffly and angry, instead of the vulnerable, fragile person he looked like.

Kurt grabbed onto Burt's hand and then nodded towards his Father. Now that I stared at Kurt, a stream of tears was falling from his eyes. He was so hurt by all of this. So young, but having to witness all of this—his own world crashing down before him. I suddenly just wanted to hold all of them and make it better, but nothing in my power would. It all laid in Finn's hands right now, and whether he chose to get better, or not, but after all he went through, after his confession, I doubted he wanted to be any better right about now.

I just laid beside him and watched him slowly fall asleep, and wondered what happened to the boy with dreams bigger than he was. Now, he was so small that even any dream could be bigger, but this time, he didn't dare to dream at all.

* * *

Kurt's POV

After being discharged despite the Doctors telling him that they could easily put Finn in a feeding tube, Carole told me to sit with him on back. I just couldn't bear to think that my brother can fit into my size small shirt, and make it look so loose and gangly. I didn't even want to know how that was even possible. Finn had changed into clothes, but now that he was in his older clothes, he looked like he was being swallowed by clothes and I had to get him a belt. He had to make notches on that belt because it his hips and waist was so small. I let him sit down in the car and he didn't even look at me. I was paying too much attention to him but I couldn't bear not to. It was like my eyes were glued to his face. His face was so vibrant and rosy, but now, it was so pale that I started to look grey compared to him. His cheeks were hollow, his eyes were wide, and it hurt me to see him like this.

At home, he just went to his room and shut the door.

There was nothing but silence in this house after then. It was very silent. I called him out for lunch but he didn't walk out. I called him out for dinner. That was when Dad had had enough and then found the spare key, opening the door. It was empty for a while, but I found him all cradled up in the bed. I laughed. He was sleeping far too much for his own good. I walked towards him. "Wake up, Finn." I tried to enthusiastically call out, but there was so much emptiness in my voice. "Finn?"

The body was cold. I found razorblades on his bed. There was a lot of blood, so much blood I wanted to be sick. Paramedics couldn't arrive any sooner. I knew he was dead the minute I saw his face. Finn Hudson was gone. I didn't know what to do, so I just held him close to me. I held him and let the blood splutter on my shirt and I didn't care. I could care less about marks and brands. He…was gone. The last part of him just broke off, just like that, powerlessly. He fought on for so long that this was just it.

The funeral was two days later. I couldn't bring myself to go. He had a coffin. He had a tombstone. He was dead. But another part of me knew if he was alive either way, it wouldn't make a different. He'd be just as dead. I let a gust of wind guide me down as I placed newly bought flowers on his grave. Except they were already dying as well, almost as if they were taunting me. That suffering body laid underneath the ground, suffering no more, yet I could not bring myself to smile. I could not bring myself to do anything. Just seeing his name on the tombstone made me realise what I'd lost, more than just a smile, a face, something more precious than a diamond, but withered just as sweet.

So, with that, I let my strength be devoured to that of a diamond that was traded for a dying flower.

* * *

_so this is done with._

_xo Peanut Butter/Sam_


End file.
